I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
