Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
