So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
