Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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