i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think your dad took our porno
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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