i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
