she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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