So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
