winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
