I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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