I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
