so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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