are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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