Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
