bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
