We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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