operation harelip BJ is a go
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
