He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
God, I missed his penis.
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