after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
