I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
