Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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