You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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