we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and she was petting her beer can
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
