is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
