pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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