She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
