i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize