"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
