god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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