just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
