apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
