WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
