i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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