You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
