So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
