the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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