Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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