you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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