dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Less talking, more tequila
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry about my life...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
