yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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