come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
