Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
