This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
