I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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