He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Damn victory sex feels great
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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