Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
