Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i think im in europe. pls send help
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
