I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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