He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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