He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
