too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
