any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
