he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
