Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
