I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
