So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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