Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
