I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
