be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
