What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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