I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
