We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
