In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
